What New Year Could Mean

A lot of people have trouble saying goodbye, myself included. Over the last four years, I’ve honestly avoided saying goodbye as much as possible. I just can’t handle it. I noticed that I would rather leave things where they are instead of having that final point because then it seems like a chapter is closing.

There are a few goodbye’s that I never had a chance to make. My time in university has been the most challenging time of my life. I understand that might not mean much to some, considering I’m still quite young, and yet, it’s shaped me in an indescribable way.

I was fortunate enough to visit my grandparent’s months before they passed on. But I never got to say goodbye because I always assumed they would be there.

I pictured them at my wedding and there for my first child. I pictured my grandma complaining about my lack of appetite at lunch. I had her voice in my head telling my mom to buy me new jeans because mine were ripped (it was a choice). I thought that I would have more time to learn her recipes. I thought my grandpa would be by my side, chanting at my wedding, calling my father, my brothers and my cousins. I had assumed he would always be late to lunch because he was at Friday prayers and got caught up talking to all of his neighbours. My grandparents were popular and they were the most generous people I had ever known.

Losing them both, away from my family, 38493274204 miles away. I was alone and I had to deal with this change here. By all means, I was isolated, very much like I am right now.

I never got to say goodbye. I don’t think I would have wanted to either. The picture I have of them both in my head and my heart is the one that I want to keep. In their home, listening to them bicker about the ripeness of the dates and berries outside, their love, filled us all. I would not have wanted that image to falter.

It's been nearly two years since their passing and I think about them every day. I have yet to visit their graves, not for a lack of opportunity, but I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t need to. They’re here, living on in my mother and her siblings, in me and mine.

Tonight is Norouz. Iranian New Year. The Spring Equinox. Whatever you want to call it.

This is a holiday that my family celebrates every year. One we look forward to because it signifies new beginnings and a cleansing of the sorrows we experienced in the year before.

On this night, I find myself celebrating alone in my apartment given the current global situation. I’m reflecting on the past four years. I’m thinking about my family and the anxiety I feel concerning their safety. I’m thinking about my grandparents. Mostly, I’m cherishing the moments I had with them.

For those of you that don’t understand what it’s like to lose love like that, I hope that you never do. I hope that you’re mindful of what your actions could mean for others in the coming weeks. I hope that you think of the people that you could be affecting others by just going to dinner.

So on New Year tonight, it will be the year 1399. If you want to escape the rollercoaster that has been 2020, celebrate and start your resolutions now. Remember that your actions are not just your own anymore. You have the potential to affect the lives of tens, hundreds, thousands, and even millions.

Take care of yourself and be there for the ones you love, even if you can’t be there in person.

Norouz Mubarak. Happy New Year.